Is there an exorcism for that?

So I have this cell phone, a Palm…I don’t know...Centro, that's what it is. I hate it.

Yup. You read that correctly, I hate my cell phone.

I had high hopes for the thing when I bought it, but since then I’ve learned that MY PHONE IS POSSESSED. Don’t believe me?

About two months after canceling my internet/email plan (I know, GASP, but I never used it), it decided to log onto the internet every time I complete a call.

Every.

Freakin.

Time.

I hang up, the phone logs onto the internet and doesn’t log off until I manually log off. Then, to make matters worse, the day came when even though I would log off, it would immediately connect again. 

What did I do? I blocked the internet on the thing. Yup, no matter what, I can’t get on the internet with my phone. Problem solved right? Yeah, right.

Like those things in the movie Hellboy, from the ashes of one, two shall rise… So now that my phone doesn’t log onto the internet every chance it can, it has decided to call The Devil instead. Yup. Whenever I’m talking to someone on the phone, I hear beep, beep, beep like someone is dialing in my ear. Someone isn’t, the freakin cell phone is! Today, I had to tell my mother to hold on twice in one conversation and clear the thing so I could continue to talk. What number had it decided to call? 666-6666 of course!

You may ask why I haven’t just gotten a new phone? I don’t want to get stuck with my carrier for another two years in order to afford a decent phone, and I definitely don’t want to pay full price for a phone, as I need a new laptop more than a new cell phone.

Funny thing happened on the way to the shop the other day. I forgot and left my cell on the top of my car. It made it 6 miles before zinging off the top of the car and into traffic. A minor miracle, since my official slogan is ‘Drive it like you stole it’. I watched as a semi coming the other direction zipped over the top of my phone and thought, FINALLY! Then later that night someone calls to tell me they found my phone. No way!

Way!

The possessed piece of garbage survived. The semi didn’t actually run over the thing, but clip it and spin it back across the road and onto the shoulder. The back is scuffed, but with the exception of the darn thing still trying to call Satan every chance it gets, it still works.

Damn phone. My mother laughs and tells me I need to frame the thing. Me? I dream of finally deciding on a new cell carrier and taking a hammer to this phone… makes me smile just thinking about it.