Thanks to everyone who drops by each week to read my six! We're still with Justin and Paige from Not Without Risk. This week, we're in Paige's head as she discovers Justin --just back from a horrowing crime scene.
Paige hadn’t known sorrow had a scent. That it could pulse off a person like perfume and emanate throughout a room. Be drawn into her lungs and set off an answering ache inside her. She hadn’t known, until she stepped into the living room and discovered Justin before his front window.
He stood with his back to her, his spine rigid, body held perfectly still as if he had a board strapped between his shoulder blades, making it impossible for him to relax his stance. Like so many times in the past few days, he had his left hand securely tucked in his pocket, while his right clenched and unclenched against his thigh.
Okay, so the picture isn't quite right, but I didn't think you'd mind.*grins*
Don't forget to stop by the Official Site and check out all of this week's snippets.
Don't forget to stop by the Official Site and check out all of this week's snippets.
I know everyone truly appreciates your comments.
49 comments:
Wow, really powerful six! I can practically feel the tension coming off him in waves. Great job!
Great six! And no, I didn't mind the picture. :)
That man needs a hug dammit! *Pushes through* Ill do it! LOL great six!
Wow! I am blown away! Great six!
I can see the entire scene from just these sentences. Great six! I look forward to reading more.
Your description of his sorrow is awesome. Great six!
POWERFUL Six, Sarah! The sorrow and ache are palpatable!
Wow, great description here. I love the thoughts on sorrow. And hey, the picture is great too!
Aw,I'm with Kerrianne, I just want to hug him!
So I hope this isn't too weird to say, but I just lost someone close to me and your description of grief having a scent is so right on that it brought tears to my eyes. Yes it does. And I'd never known that until recently and I didn't even have the words to describe it until you just gave it to me right now. Bravo. Really great writing. So incredibly powerful. One of the best descriptions I've ever read.
Nice snippet! Really powerful
Very vivid scene. Love the emotion in this, how it reveals she's attuned to him. Great job.
Just wonderful. The idea of the sorrow as a scent is awesome. Wondering what the source of his sadness is.
@Rebecca Royce I'm so sorry you lost someone close to you. *hugs* Thank you for your kind words.
very powerful scene. I definitely would love to read more. You could feel the tension.
From his stance, to the scent of sorrow in the air, you've created one powerful scene.
Like the use of scent. Powerfully written scene. Nice.
"Paige hadn’t known sorrow had a scent." That is a fantastic sentence.
Love the way you lead into it with the first paragraph, with the scent. Very unique way to show pain. Great six.
Sarah, you have an expert way with words and details that I really appreciate. Another powerful scene.
Thoughtful description about sorrow having a scent. Good six!
Great six. I particularly find that first line very evocative.
Great six. Love the way you caught the guy's emotions
fab six, and it goes without saying that the picture was appreciated, too :) I just loved the tension and characterization in these sentences xx
Wow, this is beautiful writing, so evocative. Thank you.
Sarah, this is just awesome--emotionally powerful and very moving.
I can totally picture Justin's body language, and the description of sorrow having a mental scent and how it affects Paige is an amazing description.
P.S. Sold! :) (I love Kindle for PCs.)
One of my writing teachers challenged us to paint word pictures. That's just what you've done. I can see this man's sorrow.
that scene was really excellent
wow, excellent description of emotion... sorrow has a scent - love that!
Fantastic six! Definitely enjoyed the emotional tension. :)
I love "sorrow had a scent". Very vivid!
As everyone else has noted, using scent to convey emotion is brilliant. Great 6!
Great six, really powerful!
Very strong evocation of emotion, not only scent but the tactile sense of being clenched against sorrow and a definite whiff of danger. Powerful stuff--I just mistyped "powerful studd" but that would be the hot picture!
Wow. In combination with what he's seen and the depth of these six--just wow. Very powerful.
My goodness. I'm hurting for both of them. Can she help or is she the cause?
This was a really great six. Pulled me right in and made me feel for him.
Totally felt his pain. Loved that first line.
Okay, so me and Blogger had a minor argument there. Let's try this again...
Wow, I leave for about 7 hours and come home to such wonderful comments from all of you. Awesome, truly! Thank you all.
Wow. Your sentences were so powerful. The emotion definitely came off the page. Oh, no need to apologize for the picture. :)
Powerful scene. I can see it in my mind.
Very evocative and powerful. Damn!
Very descriptive!
We all forgive you for the picture being not quite right. :)
Oh, I don't mind the inaccuracies in the picture. Poor guy! Hope she can do something about that.
Fabulous! I love how you've used the sense of smell to begin the description, it works so well! A reminder to all writers (*ahem* me) to explore ALL the senses when writing descriptions. Makes for a very surprising and emotional scene. Thanks for sharing!
wow, didn't think sorrow had a smell either. Great six!
Barb
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